Coming to terms with an incurable lung cancer diagnosis is very difficult. When Simon Tilling was first told he had advanced lung cancer which had spread to his liver and colon, he responded like anyone would; he was devastated.
Simon was told he had at best, two Christmases. While ongoing advances in treatment have seen him to live beyond his initial prognosis, Simon is pragmatic about his future and recognises the importance of getting his affairs in order.
“I consider myself to be quite a resilient person, but no amount of strength can prepare you for the news that you have terminal lung cancer.
“At first, I was utterly shellshocked. Worst case scenarios swirled round my head as I tried and process the news that was being said.
“Fortunately, I’ve had a good response to treatment (and some not so good too) and December 2024, I enjoyed my third Christmas since being diagnosed. I remain hopeful that new treatments will continue to come but I also know I need to be prepared if they don’t.
The paperwork
“The first thing I did was make sure my will is up to date. That will make things easier for my wife and that’s the biggest motivator when facing the things that none of us want to have to face.
“I’ve written letters to all relevant companies and organisations, including HMRC, banks, mortgage provider, utility companies and GP practice.
“I’ve also dealt with the finances and any insurance policies we have by putting everything in my wife’s name. It’s about trying to prevent her from encountering any problems or causing her any further stress or upset.
How to do guides
“My wife and I are like every other couple. There are certain things that she does automatically and there’s things that I do and know about. You never really think about these things because you don’t have to. Then, when that person isn’t here to do it anymore, the person left has to fix something or work out how to use something.
“So gradually I’ve been creating guides for everything around the house so, whatever happens, my wife will be able to sort stuff out. Everything is there in two lever arch files – from how to read the gas meter to bleeding a radiator and using the pressure washer!
“I just want to make sure she’ll be ok, and I can rest easy knowing everything is there for her. It’s given me a great sense of relief. The last thing I want is for her to be left vulnerable in any way.
Memory boxes
“The hardest thing I’ve done is create memory boxes for everyone I love. I created them at my local hospice, and they are all stored away safely, waiting to be opened – which I hope will be a long time away.
“It was incredibly emotional putting them together and writing the letters but it’s something I wanted to do. As awful as it is to be told you have an incurable disease, it does give you the chance to say everything you want to say, to tell those you love exactly what they mean to you and leave them with some happy memories.
“I’ve even done one for our dog! There are certain things that only I say to him, so I’ve made sure to include them in the letter. That way, when it’s read out to him, he’ll know it’s from me.
“Many people may feel quite distressed at the prospect of doing all this. Some may even see it as quite morbid or pessimistic, but I don’t see it that way.
“Is it hard to face the prospect of dying? Of course. But we do everything we can for our partner and children (and pets!) whilst we’re alive, so why wouldn’t we try and do the same when we die?
“It doesn’t mean I have given up hope. It doesn’t mean I’m ready to turn to the final chapter.
“To me, being pragmatic and getting organised isn’t morbid. It’s love.”
Listen to Simon speak about his experience of lung cancer and why he has chosen to get his affairs in order on our Talk of Hope podcast.